I am more or less a bitch to you!

I guess I will never be able to walk out from this for the rest of my life. Now, I am having you here doesn't please me at all. Indeed, I am trapped in the guilt.

There are many things in life as we want to be. Things like career, money, family, and so on. Apart of that, I am too different from anybody. Love doesn't come to the first place. Why would I bothered?

If you ever have the thought like mine, you better put awareness to yourself. Moreover, you might end up to be nothing.

Him ~
He is a guy who I shouldn't be with. But all things went wrong. He is the most beloved person of my life. After almost two years, I couldn't say "NO" to him. Whether I am such a fool or love is never exist unfortunately. From the very first place, I have been kept telling myself to walk away, leave everything behind, and start the new one.

Yet those promises are never work on me. As long as I am here, in Sydney with him, the feeling still engulfed me with vengeance. So yeah, I have nothing to say but just want to forget everything in life.

Is this a song to sing of life?

Yeah, it has been a month since you left and forgot for something we have for a while. Like I have said before, you are nothing but a cloud appear from the dark sky. A sight of necessity you will and will ever come back to me. This time I don't what is your intention, what do you want and what are we going to be. Somehow, I have a little whisper on my ears and that is about YOU!

Each time you came and like reminiscence to me. Well, no matter how long and you keep coming back, it will not change everything. You need to realise how different we are now compared to at the beginning of us! Don't blame her for this time. We need to give in, do we?

You might not know and true would not to be told. There is time I have to give up everything that we have for our sake. Sweet and bitterness lush our life. Why and why do you have to run from the reality? Do you understand my struggle? Must I have fight for something I will lose? For once I am asking you for a thing. Words can't describe my strain. Even though having you in the end will not wash away my guilt. This is what I need you to understand.

I can't tell you how much I wish for staying with you. I will be and always be your shadow.

When the times gone by ~

As the time passed by, those memories and feelings are here. I don't know what to say, or maybe I
have nothing else to say. Sometimes, I will wonder myself, how and how to move on from this. This sick feeling which has engulfed me for over all the time. Shame on me cause I can't tolerate this anymore. Hey, love is never be perfect and makes you blind. Right now, right here, this moment your shadow is beside me. Remember those promises? We have our own way, our thinking and future to set. Yet, all I could feel is emptiness surprisingly. How could live a life with the terror of your caprice? If I open the chapter to review it again, I wasn't supposed to be put on. I had been given in. To let you realise how love is not about individual. To tell you that the completeness is about understanding each other. However, when it came to the end, it's out of my hand to have your presence. I never take it for granted for what was between us. If someone had given you something and that person had thrown you away, would let the second chance take place?

Sony Ericsson W508a

Six Professional Skincare Tips!



1. Understand the Problem

"Pimples during the teen years are primarily due to the huge surge in hormones during puberty," says New York City–based Marsha Gordon, M.D., a consulting dermatologist to St. Ives. "The hormones increase sebum production, making the cells that line your pores sticky—which in turn clogs them so that oil can't escape." When oil gets backed up, your pore develops a bump. If it's squeezed or becomes too full and the lining cracks, sebum and bacteria seep out into the skin and provoke inflammation. Chicago-based dermatologist Brooke Jackson, M.D., adds, "If you're involved in sports that require gear like helmets or pads, trapped sweat and dirt can trigger breakouts. It's important to wash your face as soon as possible after workouts."

2. Don't Be Lazy

"Establishing a good routine in your teens may prevent problems in your 20s," Jackson says. "Your doctor can prescribe medications, and you may buy products to help, but they don't do any good if you don't use them regularly." The number one mistake girls make in taking care of their skin? "Falling asleep with makeup on!" Gordon answers. "Leaving your cosmetics on overnight can cause breakouts." It's also crucial to give your skin the occasional scrub or peel. "Exfoliation is essential to slough off dead skin cells," she notes. "But be gentle. Start mild and increase frequency once you know what your skin is able to handle."

3. Keep Products Basic

"Skin needs to be able to breathe," says New York City celebrity facialist Tracie Martyn. "Stay away from anything too waxy or greasy when it comes to makeup or facial products." Look for moisturizers with salicylic acid—they hydrate as they unclog pores and gently exfoliate skin. And even if you have oily skin and are prone to breakouts, moisturizing is still a must. "It's a myth that drying out a zit will make it go away," Gordon says. "Overdrying may actually inflame a pimple and slow down recovery."

4. Never Be Picky

To avoid infections and scars, don't take matters into your own hands (regardless of how tempting it may be). "I've had teen clients who have attacked their spots with needles, pens, and tweezers," says Wanda Herrera, a cosmetologist at Cal-A-Vie spa in Vista, California. "They've ended up with scars that can take months, if not years, to heal." If your spot doesn't fade on its own within a few days, see a skin-care professional.

5. Think Big Picture

Healthy skin starts from the inside out: "Eat a diet rich in good fats—found in foods like salmon, avocado, nuts, and olive oil—for a soft, supple, and acne-free face," says Nicholas Perricone, M.D., a Meriden, Connecticut–based dermatologist. "Sugary or starchy foods [like fries or white bread] can exacerbate problems." Also remember to get enough sleep. "Get at least eight hours every night. It's vital to avoid puffy eyes and dark circles and to be vibrant!" he notes.

6. Always Shield Your Skin

"Don't ever leave your house without sunscreen. Use at least SPF 30 to protect against age spots and skin dehydration—not to mention cancer," advises Beverly Hills aesthetician Sonya Dakar. "And if you think being in the sun will make your acne go away, think again. Acne-causing bacteria love the sun and sweat; the sun 'ripens' the breakout and makes it worse."

7. No Smoking Allowed

"Inhaling just one puff of a cigarette generates more than a trillion free radicals in your lungs, which triggers an inflammatory response in all organs, including the epidermis," Perricone says. "Tobacco constricts blood vessels, which reduces blood flow to the skin and results in a gray, lifeless, and unhealthy-looking complexion, as well as leathery skin and wrinkles in the long term."

I want Mini Lop T_T

The new Beginning of my food blogs!!!!

Whether like it or not, I have to learn how to cook. Especially when I am starving. Huhhh... I can't depend on mom. This is my consequence to live by myself, I wish there's a boyfriend who can cook for me very delicious dishes. Seriously, I am always hungry all the time. Even when I just woke up early in the morning. First thing that came to my mind is "FOOD!!". I don't think it's kinda normal for people at my age, nor should have been eating too much. I always keep promising myself to lose weight and guess what, I can't! Totally can't deny I am falling in love with food. To fill my hunger, so I set up a good idea blog which is my blogs contain all those recipes and unique pictures of variety food. Sadly, I only can stare at them at night, cuz I am so so so lazy to cook at night. Hopefully this will be successful. P.S Still learning how to use Blog..kinda shame isn't it?? But remember, learning takes place :)

Apricot Pineapple Smoothie

INGREDIENTS :

• 1/4 cup crushed pineapple
• 1 fresh apricot, diced
• 6 strawberries
• 1/2 banana
• 1 1/2 cup water
• 1 tbsp. skim milk powder
• 1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
• 1 tsp. flax seed oil (optional)

In a blender, process fruit with the rest of the ingredients. Blend until thoroughly mixed and serve.

For a dramatic serving presentation, select the largest avocado you can find. This becomes a substantial luncheon entrée or elegant first course for dinner.

Ingredients

SERVES 2

• 1 jumbo avocado, about 1 1/2 lbs.
• 1 large ripe mango, peeled and cubed
• 1/2 cup crushed banana or plantain chips
• 1 to 2 tsp. curry powder, or to taste
• 2 Tbs. mayonnaise, or low-fat or vegan mayonnaise
• Juice of 1/2 lime
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh coriander leaves
• 3 Tbs. pickled ginger for garnish

Directions

1. Slice avocado in half, cutting lengthwise. Carefully pull or twist halves apart, and remove seed. Using sharp paring knife, cut crosshatch pattern into flesh almost to skin, and spoon out cubes, leaving 1/8-inch inside layer of avocado flesh. This keeps avocado shell stable.
2. In mixing bowl, combine avocado cubes, mango cubes, crushed banana chips, curry powder, mayonnaise, lime juice and coriander leaves, stirring together gently.
3. Mound mixture into avocado halves. Sprinkle each with pickled ginger slices.

Wine Suggestions This dish presents an interesting wine-pairing challenge: How to highlight the fruits’ acidity yet take advantage of the mayonnaise’s richness? The answer: Maintain the proper proportion of acid to fat, which this recipe does. Try matching it with a dry Riesling or medium-weight Syrah/Shiraz.

Creepy Finger Sandwiches

Arrange these “fingers” in hand shapes on a platter, and they’ll disappear like magic. You can also serve them with dipping bowls of blood (ketchup) and green slime (prepared pesto).

Ingredients

Serves 13

• 1 cup walnut pieces
• 1 1/2 cups lentils, rinsed
• 1/4 cup low-sodium vegetable broth or water
• 2 Tbs. olive oil
• 3 small cloves garlic, peeled
• 2 tsp. chili powder
• 2 tsp. lemon juice
• 1 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
• 1 tsp. salt
• 8 cups baby spinach, chopped
• 13 whole-wheat hot dog buns
• 1 small cucumber, cut into 13 diagonal slices
• 1 7-oz. jar roasted red peppers, drained, cut into thin strips
• Low-fat mayonnaise for decoration, optional

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350˚F. Place walnuts on baking sheet, and bake 10 minutes, or until browned and fragrant. Cool.
2. Bring lentils and 4 cups water to a boil in saucepan. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer 40 minutes, or until lentils are tender and most of water is absorbed. Drain.
3. Purée lentils, walnuts, broth, oil, garlic, chili powder, lemon juice, cumin, and salt in food processor until smooth. Transfer to bowl, and cool 20 minutes, or until barely warm. Stir in spinach.
4. Spread 1/3 cup lentil mixture inside each hot dog bun. Close bun, and gently squeeze so filling mounds up in long “finger” shape along sides. Place one cucumber slice on end of each bun to resemble fingernail. Place 2 strips roasted red pepper on either side of filling in bun to outline “finger” shape. Draw joints and wrinkles with mayonnaise, if desired.

DEAR my blog,

OMG!!! I really want to scream out of my head. First, I cant say anything while mom is here.
Dont know what should i say, inside my heart I am crying. I really hate to be part of him.
I dont understand him that's why me and him are fucking around without status.
Guess what? I am still stuck
I want to move on without him.
Seriously!!!!
I need Lord Jesus, I believe He is the one who can help me going through all.
Yet I have to be brave in everything.
I dont know what to do now. I believe Lord will show me the way.
I miss Father God and i need to be alone for a while.

Yet I am the stupid one

WHAT A day!!!
First, i havent commited to myself. I never appreciate every single second while I'm breathing.
All i have done is just wait and let the time goes by. I wouldnt say what happened roughly. On Monday night, as what i thought, he will be online. And what happened???
yes, he was online. He left offline message for me on Sunday, i didnt reply at all. What for?
On Monday morning, he left another offline message "AGAIN". I was about to reply, and suddenly out of no where he online. As usual, his habit and behaviour hadnt changed much. He is still the same person that I've known. He was trying to capture my view by telling how much he cares for me. One thing that i wanted to tell him, " can you stop f*cking bullshit?! "
I will be so grateful, if I could tell him. Not for what we had done, but for what we are right now.
Today, we were supposed to meet in front of my school. Are you driving me crazy?
HELL YES!!! he was there, but he walked with teacher. I suppose he aint blind!!
He did saw me and yet he just walked away from me. OMG!!!
I really don't know what should i do to him. I didnt cry for him, not even a singlee tears.
All i did just walked away and enjoy myself. I found it's more important to love myself rather than him. So, tell me I did the right thing.
Thanks God my brain is working properly. you know what would happened, if it wasnt
That's all about to day. YEah.. i gotta move on. and the rest is in God's hand.

Let's see what we got today.
yeah,, after ages i havent sign in for my blog. it's not kinda lazy but i have other things to do.
I promise i 'm just gonna spend 10 min for this
^^
Ok
let's start.
First i want to eat sate padang and i'm so hungry now.
Second, mom is in Bandung.
To be honest, i have forgotten what Bandung looks like.
Third how i'm gonna deal with my f*cking house owner.
Yes, she is a jerk.


= > That's all i got for today