DEAR my blog,

OMG!!! I really want to scream out of my head. First, I cant say anything while mom is here.
Dont know what should i say, inside my heart I am crying. I really hate to be part of him.
I dont understand him that's why me and him are fucking around without status.
Guess what? I am still stuck
I want to move on without him.
Seriously!!!!
I need Lord Jesus, I believe He is the one who can help me going through all.
Yet I have to be brave in everything.
I dont know what to do now. I believe Lord will show me the way.
I miss Father God and i need to be alone for a while.

Yet I am the stupid one

WHAT A day!!!
First, i havent commited to myself. I never appreciate every single second while I'm breathing.
All i have done is just wait and let the time goes by. I wouldnt say what happened roughly. On Monday night, as what i thought, he will be online. And what happened???
yes, he was online. He left offline message for me on Sunday, i didnt reply at all. What for?
On Monday morning, he left another offline message "AGAIN". I was about to reply, and suddenly out of no where he online. As usual, his habit and behaviour hadnt changed much. He is still the same person that I've known. He was trying to capture my view by telling how much he cares for me. One thing that i wanted to tell him, " can you stop f*cking bullshit?! "
I will be so grateful, if I could tell him. Not for what we had done, but for what we are right now.
Today, we were supposed to meet in front of my school. Are you driving me crazy?
HELL YES!!! he was there, but he walked with teacher. I suppose he aint blind!!
He did saw me and yet he just walked away from me. OMG!!!
I really don't know what should i do to him. I didnt cry for him, not even a singlee tears.
All i did just walked away and enjoy myself. I found it's more important to love myself rather than him. So, tell me I did the right thing.
Thanks God my brain is working properly. you know what would happened, if it wasnt
That's all about to day. YEah.. i gotta move on. and the rest is in God's hand.

Let's see what we got today.
yeah,, after ages i havent sign in for my blog. it's not kinda lazy but i have other things to do.
I promise i 'm just gonna spend 10 min for this
^^
Ok
let's start.
First i want to eat sate padang and i'm so hungry now.
Second, mom is in Bandung.
To be honest, i have forgotten what Bandung looks like.
Third how i'm gonna deal with my f*cking house owner.
Yes, she is a jerk.


= > That's all i got for today

My Obsession

Forgive me if i have wrong ideas. I dont think that i have wrong ideas. Being a Gogo Dancer like Lady Gaga is an excellent job. Well, recently my mind is full of him.WTF!!!i cant for not thinking of him. So i decide to be like Lady Gaga. I admired her so much.more than my mom. She is fabulous.Her fashion,her dance,everything.i gain my perfect confidence from her. She made me feel like i'm the best. I can do better than those bitches.I've been regretted bcuz i have big boobs, but today.i changed.so what if i have big boobs??i should proud of them.If i want to be myself,i have to accept what my body is.Thanks Lady Gaga. YOu reminded me to who I am. YOu are the best.

I dont know how to begin.and i dont know how to end.everything seems so crazy for me.this week will be something crazy stuff.again it is my irritating aunt.she is typical mother.she doesnt care about other.all she knows just about her son who is good for nothing.first,i'm trying to spend my time for my freedom.this evening she asked me to help her for arranging her son's bday.huh!i hate it!!!becuz she involved me!i'm single.i enjoy my freedom though i want to have boyfriend sometimes.$300 per week is expensive.well,it's not say that i'm stingy.but if i take time to think about it,it's too much.i dont know what's my feeling now.it's mixed up....crap...anyway,i just want to say i want move!!!!

Girls should be stronger than boys!

I know it's not easy. i'm going thru this also. Too painful. Sometimes,you dont know to who you can tell. All you do is just keep it inside. I took a long time to think and eventually i realised is just wasting my time. He is not the only for me. I'm hoping for unreal thing. i'm so tired to wait. It just killing me softly. The only thing i do is go to church. i love Catholic. I love my God. No more tears rolling down. The voice tells me to be strong. Never never never think about him. If he can make me happy,he would do that from the very first time. All he does to satisfy himself. Again, i need something to make me strong. Suddenly,the voices tell me. They remind me to my goal. My goal is Bachelor of Nursing at ACU in 2010. So i found my strength in it. No more boyfriend/girlfriend relationship! Focus on my goal.

In love with music so much

This afternoon,while i was walking down to Wynyard,someone touched me. It's like someone who was calling me. Yes, he was there. He asked me where am I going. I told him that i'll go to HMV. He told me that HMV is close due to renovation. So i thought i might go home by Wynyard station. But he showed me Virgin store where it's almost exactly like HMV ( HMV is better ).He was totally different. I felt like i didnt know him at all. Anyway, I dont want talk about him too much. Indeed I can write a whole book about him. So I went there and looking for new album. Guess what? I found what i want. I bought Lady Gaga's album. At first i thought it was stupid song but after that i realized the songs are amazing. You should listen to "Poker FAce". This song make me alive. So please have a try!